Tragedy knocks when we least expect. The kind of pain we experience when we lose a job, go through a painful divorce, diagnosed with a terminal illness, or from the demise of a loved one may feel unbearable. We tend to go through a series of emotions in the healing process.
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed a theory that tries to explain different stages of grief we go through after the loss of a loved one. But grief is complicated, and everyone goes through the process differently. Therefore, these stages don’t always happen in the same order, and each bereavement may feel like a new experience.
The five stages, namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, make up the main framework that helps us deal with the pain.
1. Denial
Denial works by shielding us from the overwhelming pain that ensues a loss. When you are in denial, you simply don’t believe that the event has actually happened. In the process, you attempt to convince yourself that the loss has not happened or might a temporary event.
2. Anger
Once you begin to accept that the event has actually happened, anger begins to set in. You may get angry at the person that left you or your boss who fired you. You might find yourself shouting at people and getting irritated easily over small issues. It is Important that you feel the anger because it energizes you and consequently helps you to heal and move on.
3. Bargaining
In this stage, you might find yourself trying to think of what you can possibly do to undo the event. You might try to bargain with God and make promises to postpone the inevitable. Being a better parent or friend, a committed spouse might be the agreements you make in secret if their lives would be spared. It is often accompanied by the feeling of guilt, blame and helplessness, and beleiving that there is something that you could have done to prevent the loss.
4. Depression
Depression manifests in two different phases. One is the feeling of intense sadness and regret. We are more concerned with immediate Issues such as how to approach the burial.
The second phase is more subtle and happens when we are alone trying to understand the loss and preparing to separate and bid our loved one farewell.
5. Acceptance
It is the final stage and is marked by a feeling of withdrawal and calmness. Acceptance, however, does not mean that you are okay but rather have come to terms with what happened and can live with the new reality.
It is important to note that you may never heal completely from the loss and might occasionally feel sad during anniversaries or other events that bring back their memory.
