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Women being abused is, sadly, a tale as old as time. However, the reasoning behind why those individuals and collective groups stay in these abusive relationships differs depending on which perspective one takes. To understand the problem we must first have a uniform definition of domestic abuse, Kelly and Westmarland (2016:2) describe domestic abuse as “an ongoing, everyday reality in which much of their (women) behavior is micro-managed by their abuser: this includes what they wear, where they go, and who they see.”
When examining this problem from an individual/rational perspective the answer becomes difficult due to the lack of reward and large cost coming from the actions of the abused. However, the individual could be staying with the abuser simply because the act or cost of leaving would be so incredibly difficult and taxing emotionally, physically, and financially. Their ongoing interactions with the abuser create and solidify a positive emotional depth. As their time with the abuser deepens, their interactions further create patterns, which then pull them in toward the abuser indefinitely.
However, if we shift from rational to non-rational, the woman may be motivated to stay due to her beliefs and morals surrounding the power play in traditional relationships. This comes from her own individual experience with a multitude of emotional and physical factors.
When looking at the abused collectively and rationally, one can see how women systematically have fallen into oppression for generations. “In societies with a patriarchal power structure and with rigid gender roles, women are often poorly equipped to protect themselves if their partners become violent” (Garg and Kaur, 2018). Rationally, these women may not want to disrupt the power structure and therefore continue to stay in the role of the abused.
Finally, switching to non-rationally shows us that tradition of our society is to continue in cycles of generational abuse. Women have endured abuse in all atmospheres, from work to leisure, to home. Now, with home and work moving closer and closer together, the amount of systematic abuse in our society continues to rise. “Within the US, there is a great disparity in workplace practices relating to domestic violence, ranging from small, private organizations that have no policy at all to leading firms in states where it is now mandatory to have policies in place providing help” (Jonge, 2018:9).
Overall, the reasons for abusers to stay can vary drastically from one individual to another, but overall there are systems in place that continually allow and promote the abuse of women and perpetuate the patriarchal standards of the societies we live in.
(2)
There are several questions that came to mind when devising my question, but the one I decided to talk about is: Why do people say “excuse me” when they accidentally bump into someone? They could always just walk past the person they bumped into and act like nothing happened, but why do most people tend to say “excuse me” ?
When discussing the theoretical orientations, the individual/nonrational answer would be that the individual believes it is the polite thing to do, they naturally do this without thinking anytime they accidentally bump into someone. Next is the individual/rational answer, which involves the individual saying ‘excuse me’ just because they do not want the person to react negatively or they just feel obligated to, measuring people’s feeling of responsibility (Son and Wilson 2012). The collective/nonrational answer would be that society believes that saying ‘excuse me’ moves people back into social equilibrium, that these to words can smooth over a mistake. The collective/rational answer would be that society tends to respond negatively when a person does not excuse themselves for bumping into someone, which can lead to problematic situations at times.
I myself always suit for the individual/nonrational answer, because it is just the way I am. I am one of those people who always feels bad for everything, I tend to worry easily or “frett about a problem” (Fingerman et al., 2016:1). So you can imagine how often I say ‘excuse me’ while I am the grocery store, shopping center, etc. I never really stopped to think how different it would be if I suited for a different orientation like the collective/rational answer. Instead of saying ‘excuse me’ I would just walk by the person I bumped into and ignore them, which to me just sounds impolite. In this chapter the four different theoretical orientations really helped me understand all of the possible outcomes to the question I chose, and I got a better understanding of how the four different theoretical orientations work.
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1)
Women being assaulted is, unfortunately, an old story that hasn’t changed much over time. In contrast, depending on whose point of view one chooses, the reasons why those individuals and collective groupings continue to be involved in abusive relationships might be quite different. In order to comprehend the situation, we must first establish a standard definition of domestic abuse. Domestic violence, according to Kelly and Westmarland (2016:2), is “an continuing, everyday reality in which most of their (women’s) conduct is micro-managed by their abuser: this includes what they dress, where they go, and who they see.”
Because of the absence of reward and high cost associated with the behaviors of the abused, finding a solution from an individual/rational standpoint becomes more difficult to come by. However, it is possible that the individual is staying with the abuser because the act of leaving or the cost of leaving would be extremely difficult and stressful on the individual’s emotional, physical, and financial health. A favorable emotional depth is created and solidified via their ongoing contacts with the abuser. As their time with the abuser continues to deepen, their interactions continue to build patterns, which eventually draw them more and farther into the abuser’s embrace.
While shifting from rational to non-rational thinking, it is possible that the woman will be motivated to stay because of her ideas and morality regarding the power dynamic that occurs in traditional marriages. That which she says is based on her own personal experience with a wide range of emotional and physical factors.
When one looks at the abused as a group and with a critical eye, one can see how women have been systemically oppressed for decades. “In patriarchal society with inflexible gender roles and a patriarchal power structure, women are frequently ill-prepared to protect themselves if their spouses become violent” (Garg and Kaur, 2018). These women may be acting rationally in order to avoid upsetting the power system, and as a result, they may continue to play the victim role.
Finally, switching to non-rational thinking demonstrates that our society’s tradition is to perpetuate itself through rounds of generational maltreatment. Women have been subjected to abuse in a variety of settings, including the workplace, leisure, and the home. Currently, as the boundaries between home and work become increasingly blurred, the prevalence of systematic abuse in our culture is increasing. When it comes to workplace practices relating to domestic violence in the United States, there is significant variation, ranging from small, private organizations that have no policy at all to large, publicly traded corporations in states where it is now mandatory to have policies in place providing help (Jonge, 2018:9).
As a whole, while the motivations for abusers to continue to abuse women can differ significantly from one individual to the next, there are systemic factors at play that allow and promote the abuse of women while also maintaining the patriarchal ideals prevalent in the society in which we live.
(2)
When I was thinking about my question, there were several that sprang to mind, but the one that I choose to discuss is: Why do people say “excuse me” when they accidently bump into someone? They could always just walk past the person they bumped into and pretend like nothing happened, so why do the vast majority of people choose to say “excuse me” in this situation?
As discussed in the previous section on theoretical orientations, the individual/nonrational response would be that an individual believes that doing so is the courteous thing to do, and hence does so without thinking whenever they happen to accidently bump into someone. Following that is the individual/rational response, which comprises the individual saying ‘excuse me’ simply because they do not want the other person to respond adversely or because they feel obligated to, which is a way of assessing people’s sense of obligation (Son and Wilson 2012). The collective/irrational response would be that society believes that saying ‘excuse me’ brings people back into social equilibrium, and that these two words may smooth over a blundered sentence or sentence fragment. The collective/rational response would be that when a person does not apologize for bumping into someone, society tends to react unfavorably, which can lead to potentially dangerous circumstances at times.
Individual/nonrational responses suit me best because that is just the way I am, thus I always go for them. I am one of those persons who always feels sorry for themselves and for others; I am prone to worry easily and become “frett over a situation” (Fingerman et al., 2016:1). So you can image how many times I have to say “excuse me” while I am in the grocery store, shopping center, or other public place. I never really paused to consider how things might have turned out differently if I had chosen a different approach, such as the collective/rational solution. Instead of saying ‘excuse me,’ I would simply walk by the person I had accidentally bumped into and ignore them, which I believe is considered disrespectful. This chapter’s discussion of the four various theoretical orientations was really beneficial in helping me comprehend all of the possible responses to the topic I chose, and I gained a greater knowledge of how the four different theoretical orientations operate.
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